Friday 08.09.2023
My first neocities journal entry! I'm not sure how often I'll actually write entries or what exactly will be the style/type of content included but I wish to attempt something here.
Yesterday I graduated. Officially, I have a Bachelor of Arts (Honours)! I struggled throughout my course, as I have struggled through the entirety of my education journey- mostly due to ASD which I struggled with for much of my life before diagnosis at 18. The struggle of university wasn't a new development in my mind; I knew going to university was going to be a fight for my life- and a necessary one considering the job market for creatives.
But Covid-19 paired with my personal battles meant that by the end of my course, I hadn't really felt present for much of it. It had been nothing like university was advertised as my whole life. Sure, I had passed my assignments and slugged away the best I could- but the feeling of success had evaded me throughout my numerous group crits, assessments, and essays. It always felt like I was just being churned through this system with little care to how I was managing or how I worked according to my lifestyle- perhaps it was naive of me to hope that the course would be more engaging, encouraging, personal, anything more than the minimal help I received. Perhaps you too would hope, given the amount of student debt I am now in.
Successes were brief sharp breaths in between being crushed by an unrelenting, unfeeling tide.
But yesterday, wearing my sweaty robe and silly hat, I felt successful. I have done it, despite the wrestling and balancing and tears and meltdowns and isolation. And my bachelors- despite all it had entailed, its failures and let downs, had been conquered.
My family and I returned to our airbnb, exhausted from the hottest day on record for September, glowing with achievement (and sweat).
And as I devoured my celebratory pizza, a feeling of contentment settled over me. The decade-long fight for my degree- I have won.